#8: How to Communicate with a High S
In this episode, Deanna provides provides insight into how to best communicate with someone who has a high S profile on the DISC assessment. Specifically, she shares how you can identify if you’re interacting with an S, what their qualities are, what value they bring to the team, and how to best communicate for results.
Episode Highlights:
- Understand how to identify S behaviors
- Learn what strengths and weaknesses S’s bring to a team
- Understand how the S’s may show up in conflict
- Learn tangible ideas of how to communicate with an S
Links & Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
Episode 8 Transcript
DEANNA PECINA: Think about that person that you know that no matter what’s going on in your life, you feel comfortable telling them what’s going on. I know many times I have found myself on the receiving end of information or conversations that have been unsolicited where people are telling me, really big things and trusting that information with me, and I don’t take that lightly.
It’s sometimes overwhelming, but you know, the fact that people feel comfortable enough to come to me and tell me things and process with me, I, I don’t take that lightly. And it’s something that I value when people do that. So do you, do you have that person in your life? Maybe you are that person, but think about that person that you know, everybody just. It goes to them and, and knows that they can handle it and they can take care of things.
Well, hey there, friend. Welcome to episode eight of the Leading By Type Podcast. Today’s episode is the third episode in a series of four where we’re looking at how to communicate with each of the specific DISC profile types. In this third part of the series, we’re specifically going to look at how we communicate with a high S. In full disclosure, I am a high S. I am a blend of an S I C, but my S is a 99, so you can’t get any more S than me.
So as I talk about some of these things today, It’s going to feel pretty personal for me, but we’re going to look at how can you identify if you’re interacting with an S, what their qualities are, what value they bring to the team, and how you can best communicate with an S for results.
So let’s start with how do you know if you are interacting with an S? Well, S styles tend to ask how questions, they want to know how something is going to get done. They are considered team players. They are the hands down, the biggest team players out of all of the DISC profiles. And you’ll find that they use pronouns like we and. Another thing when you listen to us is if you listen to the tone of their voice, you’ll find that they might speak in a more quiet voice and with a little bit less inflection, but they are going to make you feel safe, and they’re going to be people that you’re going to want to talk to because they just naturally have a way of making people feel comfort. S’s in and of themselves are considered to be easygoing and agreeable. They’re very even paced. S’s make really, really good listeners and they’re compassionate.
Many times, you know, if you think about the people in your life or someone that you work with, if you have someone that you just naturally trust them and you feel comfortable telling them things, then that person probably has a high S because they have a way of making people feel comfortable. S’s treasure relationships and we have a really big desire to maintain stability. Even if it means that we might be sacrificing our own goals, and usually S’s don’t stand out in a crowd because they’re more. Just content supporting other people, but we can really be counted on for our consistency.
S’s show up consistently day in and day out. Now, when you’re looking at the body language, or if you’re trying to read somebody who might be an s, S’s are more reserved and they talk more about the present or the. And S’s are going to speak very calmly with a quiet voice and they might tend to have more hesitant eye contact. I always joke that when I go to events with my husband, I’m content to sit in the corner and have a conversation with one person while he is going around and talking to everybody in the room. And just the thought of that is exhausting. The other thing about S is, is they’re going to talk about people and they’re going to focus more on people than tasks. So they’re similar to a I in that way, where they’re very people oriented. And S’s do show emotion very fairly easily.
Now when we look at the overall characteristics of ss, what an S seeks is, accept. And their strengths are that they are, again, they’re really good listeners, they’re team players, and they have follow through. You can depend on an S to get a job done. Some of their challenges are they can be oversensitive or slow to start on a project and they really dislike change. I should rephrase that. We really dislike change. It’s something that we need to be prepared for and we need to know that it’s coming or we need information or facts to help us understand why the change is happening. We really dislike insensitivity and impatience.
If I’m dealing with somebody who’s insensitive, it’s the biggest turnoff because it just tells me that you’re not valuing my opinion or, or what I’m thinking or what I’m feeling. When S’s make decisions, we like to confer with others. We like to have conversations, so again, so that we can understand how something is going to get done. When it comes to what S’s want, we want to have security and safety and a sense of belonging. This is one of those things that can feed into making change something difficult to navigate because change in and of itself. Does not provide security and safety because a lot of times it can be unsettling or it can bring up fears that someone might have. And so when you are communicating with an S, you really wanna make sure that you are taking their opinions and feelings into consideration.
That you’re using a friendly tone, asking open-ended questions and providing time to adjust to the change. It doesn’t mean that we can’t adjust to change. I’ve been through so many changes in my life as a military spouse, but it does take time to process all of the things that might go along with a specific. So when we look at the value that an s brings to a team and their possible weaknesses, well, S’s are reliable and dependable. we are loyal team workers. We are compliant towards authority, which can be a bad thing because sometimes when you’re compliant, it doesn’t mean that you’re voicing your opinions. They are patient and empathetic And really good at reconciling conflicts in terms of how this can show up as a weakness.
Again, I’ve, I’ve talked about being resistant to change, but you’ll hear that over and over again because it takes time to adjust to change, and. One thing you should know about an S is that we can hold a grudge and we are very sensitive to criticism. I can tell you that I can remember things that people have said to me in the past a negative comment or something that might, they, you know, they probably have zero idea that they said to me, but I can remember those things and they stick out to me, especially if it comes from a place of criticism. And S’s can also have difficulty establishing priorities because we are so busy trying to support others, that it makes it difficult sometimes to identify what needs to be done versus making sure that everybody is taken care of. So when we talk about an S in conflict, high S’s need a predictable environment. We thrive on routine and structure because again, change makes us feel uncomfortable.
When we have a predictability to our days, it eliminates that feeling of anxiety so that we can show up knowing what needs to be done. we prefer a study environment without change or disorganization. if my area around me is disorganized, is so hard for me to think, because all I can focus on is the disorganization versus what needs to be done. Another thing to be really aware of when it comes to an as conflict is that we will oftentimes disengage if there is a conflict, especially if someone’s coming at us and being very demanding or demeaning or not validating our feelings or the value that we’ve brought to a team or to a situation, we’ll just shut down cuz we don’t wanna deal with. And as a result, we can also become passive aggressive. I will admit that I’m guilty of this, that if someone can’t see my value, I’m just like, Okay, whatever. I’m not going to do anything for you. And that’s a really negative characteristic. But I have awareness of it. So when I’m feeling that way, I can question where, where is this coming from?
Another thing to know about S’s is that we place a really high value on stability within our family unit, and if there’s any kind of conflict within our family unit, it can lead to anxiety. And worry when it comes to conflict in general. S’s also avoid conflict and are likely to let others create solutions because they would rather let somebody else create solution than deal with conflict. When communicating with an s. You want to make sure that you create a friendly tone for the discussion. If you are pushy, demanding, or overly aggressive, S’s are either going to get emotional or they’re going to shut down, or they’re going to move into being passive aggressive. I’ve been in these situations myself, either in a personal interaction with someone or a professional interaction where I’ve had someone come across to me being really aggressive.
Thankfully, at this point in my life, I have enough self-awareness to realize in the moment that their aggressiveness has more to do with them than it does with me, and I’m able to hold myself together. But for a long time, that was a big trigger for me because. As an S I just don’t see the need to be aggressive. When you’re dealing with conflict, you should just be able to talk about it. You also wanna make sure that you show interest in S’s as people and minimize the potential for confrontation because again, We don’t like it. in a project type situation, s is really wanna make sure that you have a definition to the goal and that you’re clear on what everybody’s role is in that particular project. Because again, we’re team players and if we know what everybody’s role is, we can be really clear on what it is that we’re expected to do, but we can also support others.
When you’re dealing with an S, you want to make sure that you give us time to adjust, to change. It’s really important to communicate clear expectations and reasons behind the change and allowing us time. To process what is going on. Again, it doesn’t mean that we can’t deal with or we can’t handle change. We just handle it differently, and we might need a little bit more time to think about what’s going on and put all of the parts and pieces together in order to be able to accept it than maybe say a high D would.
So I’d like to leave you with some confident action steps today, and think about some people that you interact with regularly. Is there someone you know that has these high as qualities? Again, think about that person that you know that no matter what’s going on in your life, you feel comfortable telling them what’s going on. I know many times I have found myself on the receiving end of information or conversations that have been unsolicited where people are telling me, Really big things and trusting that information with me, and I don’t take that lightly.
It’s sometimes overwhelming, but you know, the fact that people feel comfortable enough to come to me and tell me things and process with me, I, I don’t take that lightly. And it’s something that I value when people do that. So do you, do you have that person in your life? Maybe you are that person, but think about that person that you know, everybody just. It goes to them and, and knows that they can handle it and they can take care of things. How can you utilize some of the tips that were shared today? The next time you interact with that person, how can you make sure that you are providing a friendly tone, that you’re conferring with them, that you’re taking their opinion into consideration, and you’re actually listening and valuing what it is that person has to.
If you’d like to know more about your own particular leadership genius, head on over to leading by type.com/quiz. I’ve created a short 12 question quiz that can help you start to identify your leadership superpowers.
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