#13: Empathy vs. Judgment:  Why Leaders Must Care About Mental Health

TRIGGER WARNING:  This episode discusses issues surrounding mental health and suicide.  Please note, I am not a mental health professional and do not offer any professional health or medical advice.  If you are suffering with any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.  

In this episode, I touch on a very sensitive and personal topic: mental health awareness and issues surrounding suicide and suicidal ideation.  

In the past week, many have been shocked by the untimely passing of Stephen “tWitch” Boss, leaving many to ask questions.  

It was important for me to share my thoughts and check in with you all.  Having lost people I know to mental health challenges, it has been a hard week to process.  And, I want to acknowledge just how triggering news like this can be for all of us. 

I think it’s really important that we have open discussions about mental health and the facts regarding suicide in the United States.  It is an issue that ultimately does affect us all.  

I believe that one of the most important things that we can do to help address this challenge is to speak about it openly and normalize the importance of seeking help for mental health issues.  

As leaders, we must be willing to both challenge negative assumptions around these issues and approach them with empathy vs. judgement.  

If you or someone you know needs help, pick up the phone. You deserve support.
Trained volunteers are standing by to help you. Call the National Suicide Hotline, which is 988 in the US., or, text HOME to 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line.

Thank you for reading this and listening to this episode. I just want you to know that I love you, and I’m glad you’re here.  

    Links & Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

     

    • Take the What’s Your Leadership Genius Quiz HERE
    • Join the Leading by Type Facebook Community HERE
    • Connect with Deanna on Instagram HERE
    Episode 13 Transcript

     Well, Hey there, friends and welcome to episode 13 of the leading by tight podcast. Today’s episode is going to be a little different because I want to talk about something that happened in the news last week. If you live in the United States, or if you live anywhere in the world and you are on social media or you pay attention to the news. 

    It was really hard to not be aware of the passing of Steven Twitch boss. And there have been many discussions about the method of his passing. For those of you who aren’t aware he died by suicide. And it’s led to many comments online about mental health. I’ve read a lot of articles. I’ve seen a lot of different social media posts, and I just felt like I needed to share some things that are on my heart. 

    First of all. I think it’s really important that we talk about this because mental illnesses are more common than cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. And we don’t judge people when they say they have a heart issue and we don’t judge someone when they’re diagnosed with cancer. So why. Do we have to judge people for having brain issues. 

    And yes. Uh, depression and mental health issues are brain issues. And the data shows us that 450 million people worldwide have mental health challenges. And currently suicide is the 12th leading cause of death in the United States. And in 2020 alone, there were 1.2 million attempts. Every day, approximately 125 Americans die by suicide. 

    There are suicide death and the U S. Every 11.5 minutes. And suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15 to 24 year old American. There’s one suicide death for every estimated 25 attempts. That means that on average, there’s one attempt every 27.5 seconds. And I think that data is important because I think it’s really easy to sit back and pretend like these things don’t affect us until they do. 

    And see mental health challenges. They’re not a character flaw. For me, if you can’t tell by my tone of voice already. This is a deeply personal issue. I’ve been impacted personally by issues surrounding suicide. And I felt like I, couldn’t not say something about this and share my thoughts with you.  

      So this past week, I’ve seen all kinds of comments regarding how Twitch passed. And while I don’t think that people intentionally say things to be hurtful, I’ve read and heard some things that come across as really judgemental. And lacking empathy for those who struggle with mental health. So the focus of this episode is really going to be on the importance of why leaders need to have empathy. 

    With the people that they work with and the people that they support. One of the comments that really bothered me was actually by somebody who knew him. And it was the following. I’m at a loss to understand how someone as loved and as inspirational to so many people as Stephen was, can feel they are in such a dark place that they have no other choice, but to end their life. 

    With Twitch, that was unimaginable to me. What were the demons that he kept to himself? Mental health is a real issue that is often hidden from us. Now in my opinion, and that particular quote, the only line there that matters is that mental health is a real issue that is often hidden from us. See, when it comes to someone who commit suicide, there is no understanding. It. 

    There is no saying I can’t understand. They were so loved. They had all of this money. They had this fame, they lived in this house. Everything looked perfect. The key is, is that we never know what is going on with another person. So I want to share with you just my thoughts and my opinions and my observations about this issue. And I want to preface this by saying, I am not a mental health professional. These are my observations and personal things that I feel compelled to share with you. 

    So, first of all, mental health doesn’t know any boundaries having money does not equate to happiness. You cannot look at someone and assume because things look perfect to you that they are. We have to let go of this idea that just because you have certain things preclude you from dealing with depression or mental illness. 

    Another thing is that talking to somebody may help, but it may also not. It takes a really long time to find a good fit for a therapist. And in the case of Twitch, we have no way of knowing whether or not he was. Talking to someone. And furthermore, it’s not our business. It’s not our business to sit back and judge and say, well, if he had just talked to someone for all, we know he had been talking to someone. Sometimes that’s not enough. 

    Telling someone things will get better, actually negates where they are right now when people are in the depths of dealing with. Depression. They can’t see beyond today. Let alone imagine a world years from now. So imagine your house is on fire, right? And someone runs up to you and they’re like, Hey, it’s going to be okay. You can rebuild. 

    Okay, well that doesn’t excuse the fact that your house is on freaking fire and you need to do something to put it out. People who are in this dark place, the house is on fire. They can’t see the fact that there’s the potential to rebuild. So we have to honor people’s feelings. We need to be able to listen and hold space. 

    And listen without judgment because. Even though you may not be able to understand how somebody else is, feels or understand what leads someone else to do something. You can still provide empathy and support. 

    Another thing that we need to understand is that you can be depressed and look happy on the outside depressed people can be funny. If you do a simple Google search of celebrities who have attempted. Or completed suicide. The list is full of people who are funny, engaging, talented, amazingly gifted individuals. 

    So we can’t make assumptions just because somebody looks okay. We can’t just assume that they are, because at the end of the day, Every single one of us. Carrie’s things that nobody else knows about. I guarantee if I challenged you to say, I want you to think about something that you don’t want anybody else to know. 

    Or something that you’ve never told anybody. Every single one of us has something. Uh, thought that you thought something that you did, a way that you responded in a situation, something that embarrasses you, something that causes you shame. Every one of us carries those things with us. So I guarantee you that you have happy people in your life who are facing battles that you can’t see because we never truly know what is going on with someone. 

    From the people that we live with, two people that you encounter in the grocery store. You have to assume that everyone around you is carrying some, something with them that you don’t know anything about. And the other thing that you need to understand is that mental illness affects an entire family. So you might have someone in your family who is dealing and struggling with these types of thoughts and feelings. It affects every single other person in that family.  So even if you’re not the one who’s feeling these things and you see news like the passing of Twitch, 

    I want to acknowledge for you, just how triggering that can be for you. 

    And if you’re listening to this podcast, I assume one of two things either, you know, me personally, or you’re here because you’re someone who’s invested in your development and your growth as a leader. And as a leader. Empathy is one of the most important things that you can bring. To the workplace. 

    Because see what happens is when somebody is dealing with mental health issues. People talk about it in whispers is if there’s a shame in dealing with it. Like, it’s really easy to talk about it when you’re on the other side, but when you’re in the middle of it, it is hard. It is messy. And people are afraid of what other people are going to think. 

    If you have this person in your life, or if you are dealing with people in general. Empathy is one of the most important things. That you can bring to the table. 

    According to the world health organization. Mental health is defined as the following. It’s the state of wellbeing and whichever individual recognizes his or her own potential. Can handle the normal stresses of life. Can work productively and fruitfully and can contribute to his or her community. As a leader, you set the tone for an organization. 

    You are the one who shows up and makes it possible for people to recognize their potential, to be able to handle  stressors at work. How do you handle stressors at work? How do you model that for people? Creating an environment where people are working in their strengths and they’re contributing to a mission that is greater than themselves or to the community that they have at work. 

    But the problem is, is that when someone is dealing with mental health issues, that very first statement of individual recognizing  his or her own potential. They can’t do that. And they struggle with that. And so what they need are people around them who can support them. Through this challenging time. 

    So, what I would like to share with you today are three things that you can do to help support the people that either you live with or the people that you work with, the people that you love. 

    Number one is, are you providing or how are you providing resources and support for employees to manage their mental health? If I’m speaking to you, and this is in relation to someone who’s in your own home. What type of support is in place for that person? At home, the same types of things apply. Do they have access to mental health professionals? 

    In a work environment. Are you providing training on stress and self management and self care techniques? I know we have all of these mandatory trainings that we have to do at work for legal purposes, but beyond those types of things, What are you doing to create an environment where the people on your team. 

    Our learning how to manage stress, our learning, how to take care of themselves. And are you promoting the use of mental health resources, such as hotlines and employee assistance programs beyond just putting them in an email or talking about them during, you know, national, mental health awareness month? 

    How are you building these types of conversations? Into the culture of your organization so that we are normalizing the care of these types of issues versus stigmatizing them. 

    The second thing that you can do is foster a culture of openness and honesty. And this is where empathy really comes into play. In a work environment as a leader, we need to encourage employees to be able to speak openly about their mental health. And create an environment where it’s acceptable to do so. 

    Many times people don’t say anything because they don’t want to be judged because they don’t want to be seen as weak or because they’re afraid that they’re going to be a burden. When we let people know that it’s okay to talk about these things and it’s okay to admit that we need help. We’re creating a space where they feel more supported and less isolated. 

    And as a leader, if you’re having regular check-ins with the people that you are responsible for leading, you’re going to be able to pick up on any issues as they arise and be able to support that person and help them in the process. Uh, getting them the resources that they need. 

    When we talk about empathy. It’s important that we look at what are the different types of empathy that you can have as a leader? So psychologist Daniel Goldman says that empathy is a necessary component of emotional intelligence and the emotional intelligence is a key attribute that separates excellent leaders from average leaders. 

    So, what are these three types of empathy that you can practice in the workplace or at home? The first is cognitive empathy. It’s the ability to be able to understand somebody else’s perspective as a leader, you should be able to think about your own feelings. And you should be able to be aware of other people’s feelings as well. 

    You may not be able to feel them, but you might be able to explain them and understand cognitively. Where someone else could be coming from. Emotional empathy is the ability to physically feel what another person feels. This is one for me, that’s very natural. If I’m in a situation where someone is dealing with anxiety or something, 

    Um, negative, like anger is getting ready to come out and someone, I can feel it. My body has a sense to it. And I can almost predict something’s going to happen sometimes before it does, because I’m very attuned into other people’s emotions. So it allows me to feel other people’s emotions quickly without really thinking deeply about it, because I can feel it. 

    If you don’t have emotional empathy, that’s great. You can still lean into cognitive empathy. And the third type of empathy that you can access is empathetic concern. So if you’re one of these people who says, oh, I’m not an emotional person, I’m not a touchy feely person. You don’t have to be touchy, feely to have empathetic concern. 

    Empathetic concern is. Based on what other people need. So it’s a sense of what do people need from you? An excellent leaders have a keen sense of being present with other people. They know how to sit and listen to what other people need and then respond to what those needs are. And then the third thing that you can do is encourage a work-life balance. Employees need to know that it’s okay to have a balance between their personal lives and their professional lives. 

    Because if you, you know, people say you don’t want people bringing their personal lives to work, well, guess what they take their professional lives home. One impacts the other they’re symbiotic. You can’t separate the two of them because it’s a whole person. So you have to acknowledge that people need. 

    Sometimes flexible work arrangements. Are your people on your team? Are they taking breaks? Are they using their vacation time? It is not a badge of honor to end the end of the year with extra vacation time leftover. Every single person should be using the vacation time that they are allotted and that they deserve because this is going to help reduce stress and improve overall wellbeing. 

    And as a leader, you have to model these things because if you’re working really long days or your team sees you working on the weekends or working on vacation, you’re really setting an unwritten precedent. That that’s what the expectation is. So it starts with you, you as a leader, need to be practicing self care and taking breaks and seeking support when you need it. So that when you’re coaching other people to do the same, it comes from a place of authenticity. And it’s not just you saying what you think needs to be said. 

    Now when we don’t do these things, the problem is, is that we face things like loss of productivity and absenteeism and having to recruit and train employees because there’s a high level of turnover. The world health organization. States that half of the world’s population are currently in work. So half the people in the world work. 

    Of those people, 15% of working age adults live with some sort of a mental disorder without support. It’s going to affect their competence. It affects identity at work. It affects the capacity to work. You’ll see increased absences. And overall 12 billion working days globally are lost every year due to depression and anxiety alone. 

    12 billion working days are lost to these types of issues. So, this is why it’s more important than ever as leaders for us to show up with empathy, to be able to support the people that we work with. By providing them with the resources that they need. Because from a business perspective, when you do do this, 

    And you invest in your team’s emotional and mental health. You’re ultimately creating a higher level of , organizational success. Which is going to lead to increased performance because when people are dealing with mental , health issues, it’s probably going to affect their work. But when you support them, you can help improve the overall performance of the team. 

    Likewise when employees feel supported, they’re going to be more satisfied with their work. And there’s going to be a higher level of job satisfaction, because remember what I said, one. Goes with the other, you can’t separate the person. From the job that they’re doing, it’s a whole person. They bring all of themselves to work. 

    And most importantly, as a leader, again, you set the tone for the culture of an organization. When you prioritize mental health, you create a supportive culture that promotes the wellbeing of all employees. And it helps foster a sense of community and create a more positive work environment for everybody. 

    No. I want to end with a story of how showing up with empathy. Can have impacts that you can’t see. Today. When I was a school principal, I had a student come back and visit me. Now. This was at least. Probably five to six years. After I had taught this particular student. I taught this student when they were a freshmen. 

    And this student came back to visit me and to check in. I was very happy to see this person and we have very lengthy conversation. And in the course of that conversation, This student shared with me. That during their freshman year of high school. They were seriously  considering. Completing suicide. 

    And they went on to share that the reason why they didn’t do that. It was because of me. And I was very taken aback by this. And I was like, well, what do you mean. And they went on to tell me that because I did things like let them come to my classroom and eat lunch on days that they were feeling overwhelmed. 

    And that I wrote back to them and their journals. Now there are journals where something that I had, all of my students do, they were required to write 10 pages every two weeks.  And I didn’t. You know, have the capacity to read that many pages with a number of students that I had. So if there was something in particular that they wanted me to read and respond to, I had them write the words, please read the top of the paper. 

    And every time somebody wrote, please read, I would make sure that I responded back with something thoughtful in return. 

    The student shared with me. That those messages. I made all the difference in the world. That those messages were something that they went back and read over and over again throughout high school and beyond. 

    And I have to share with you. I had no. Idea. That this person was struggling with those issues. I had no idea. I just knew that. You know what, some days we all need a place just to go and sit when people are bothering us. And so I provided that place. 

    Sometimes we all need really good words of affirmation. all I did was provide those words of affirmation to the student. 

    And I share this story with you because it had a tremendous impact on me. And it speaks to the volumes of how, oh, sorry, I’m getting a little emotional. It speaks volumes. How the most small act that you make. The most small act of kindness. And empathy can have a ripple effect that you may never see. 

    Had this student non come back and shared the story with me. I would’ve had no idea that these things had made that much of a difference for this person. So I think it’s important that we all understand. How, even the smallest act of kindness and empathy can make. A transformation in another human being. 

    If you’ve made it this far, I just want to say thank you. And I want to say that I love you. And if you are someone who is struggling right now, No, that you can always call the suicide and crisis lifeline at 9, 8, 8. If you are someone who is supporting a person who is struggling with these types of issues, I encourage you to find help for yourself. It’s a lot to support someone who is dealing with these issues. 

    If you want to reach out to me, you can find me on Instagram at leading by type. If you’re not comfortable with that, you can always shoot me an [email protected]. And I promise you I’ll respond. I want to thank you for being here today. It means the world to me that you come and spend a little time out of your day. 

    To learn with me. And I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. 

    I’ll be back here next week and hope you will be too. See you then friend.